Thursday, August 6, 2009

an ode to the solo life

Yeah I know, the cover of this book isn't the most appealing. A good friend convinced me to read it, but when she came by my work to drop the book off I almost changed my mind. But I think the author is just trying to reach out to a certain audience. But anyway, I'm usually not into "self help" books. When I'm feeling down or a bit uninspired I look for poetry, or biographies to lose myself in. But never straight up, quotes of inspiration. I always felt like those kinds of books are so fake, manipulative and hallmark-ish I guess. But I guess I judged before I even tried. This book, Kiss Me, I'm Single, an ode to the solo life by Amanda Ford, is amazing. The Author Amanda ford explores singlehood as a form of empowerment. She says that often times women get lost in their relationships, lose a sense of themselves and then the relationship fails, which leads to women blaming themselves, lowering self esteem and self confidence. What I like most about this book is that it doesn't go into theories of the why's of everything. It simply addresses the now, and what you can do for the now to live a more fulfilling life.

I've definitely have had my sour luck with men. I think it might be the environment that I've been meeting them, the club. Yes I know, I've been telling myself for over year that the club is NOT the place to meet a potential hubby, i mean not to say I'm out looking for one at this age. But still, everytime, when some drunk dude who probably won't remember what I look like, or who I am in the morning, is asking for my number, I tell myself why not, he could be interesting and maybe I'll learn a thing or two from him. And it's not that all men at clubs are sleeze balls, the two most sleeziest men I have ever met I did not meet at a club in seattle, one was a mutual friend, the other I met in a club in vegas. It's just, when you meet a guy in a club, and date them, it just seems like both ends are taking the dating relationship less seriously. And the circumstance underwhich you guys met is usually somewhat superficial, he was looking good in that plaid shirt so you scooped him out, or he thought you were looking good or whatever. Anyway, needless to stay I haven't had a serious BF since my ex highschool sweet heart, and that was a loooong time ago.

Anyway enough about my boring and non-existent love life. I really appreciated this book cause for the longest time I thought there was something seriously wrong with me, I have probably dated over 6 guys within the past year, and who knows how many within the year before that. They NEVER worked out. at the point of deciding to just be friends or whatever I'd be all bummed out, feeling rejected. But after a couple days I'd say, "man thank god, what was I thinking." It's the same old cycle. and I think I figured out my problem, I appreciate people, for who they are, but there's a difference from appreciating an individual and the beauty that carries with them, (we all have individual beauty) with simply having an honest and strong connection with someone, having good chemistry.

A good quote

"Love has nothing to do with another person. Love is a state of being. It is the way in which you interact with life. Make this your mantra 'Love has nothing to do with another person, but is the condition of my own heart.' "

and my heart has been cut and stomped on, for reasons unrelated to love. So I know what I need to do for the time being and stop losing myself in false idealizations of the potential soulmate.

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